Self-Care for Survivalists
Self-care is something that we’re told we should prioritise.
But for many people who’ve been through trauma (or long periods of emotional survival) the idea of ‘self-care’ isn’t soothing at all. It’s confusing. Even threatening.
When your safety once depended on keeping others happy, being easy, agreeable, low-maintenance, your nervous system learned that needing anything was risky. That being “fine” was safer than being real. So years later, even in a healthy relationship, even when somebody else tells you to that you should ‘put yourself first’, the body can freeze. It doesn’t know how.
Self-care feels awkward, indulgent. It feels wrong, so it doesn’t feel comfortable or easy at all. Better the familiar bottom of the pile, than the unfamiliar top. Or even mid-way up.
But that doesn’t mean you don’t owe it to yourself to try. Learning to care for yourself after years of self-denial is like learning a new language. It’ll feel completely unfamiliar at first. You’ll make mistakes, get it wrong, feel silly for saying no or asking for what you need.
And that’s okay.
Just start small.
And the first step is to even notice your needs before you dismiss them. Don’t skip over them without acknowledging that you have a preference or a desire for something other than what you’re about to agree to. Practise saying “I’d prefer…” or “that doesn’t work for me.”
It is going to feel uncomfortable at first. Let it. Healing usually is uncomfortable because you’re asking your brain to do something new. Stick with it. Over time, the part of you that was built for survival begins to soften, and a part built for living begins to grow.
I’ve made a 10-minute hypnotic meditation for you here, if this post landed for you.
